Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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