Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
