Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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