Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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