I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
