I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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