I'm gonna have a badass scar
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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