I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
