maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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