I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize