WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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