i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
