She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
