Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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