And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
