Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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