My hand turned me down
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
