Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
