STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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