I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
