Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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