**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
