you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hippo gnu deer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
