i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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