PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
