i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
