my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize