You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
