No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize