Already got asked if we're dating
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
