I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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