There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
