I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
