He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
