We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
