The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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