she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
