She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
