K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
