so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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