We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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