11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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