I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize