i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
