I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
