How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
