she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize