i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
