Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
