her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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