she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
