I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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