And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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