She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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