If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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