Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
