just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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