I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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