I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
