Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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