So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
