just tell him i said nine months
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
