How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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