my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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