...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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