The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize